Lately, Ive been feeling really really down, things aren't going the way I've planned. I think I might need to move back to California, the last place I want to be and start over again, making new friends, but certain things hold me back from doing things, for instance my Ticket, i still owe about 500 or 600 dollars still, then i can get my license and a car.
I want to be left alone, no one to bother me. All I do is help people and I do things for people. Everyone treats me like shit and I don't deserve it. I'm a good person, (well I hope I am.) I really don't have someone to talk to, I don't have friends, I don't have family really. Everyone is so stuck up to see the picture.
Do they have an idea what its like not to have anything? You lost everything. I sleep on the floor, in a cold attic (good thing i have a tiny tiny heater), No dresser (all my clothes lay on the floor).
So things I have:
Books (Lots of them)
Clothes
Movies (to keep me entertained)
My laptop (which tends to bore me)
Blankets and Pillows
so ya, that's it. I hate when people complain about their life about how horrible it was growing up with parents and stuff and I shake my head and pretend that they believe it was hard. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for me. My mom and dad been divorced since I was like ugh like 11 maybe. Ive lived with my mom, moved hella a lot. I lived in a lot of places over the years since I was 11. I just want to finally settle down and stop moving, have a job and be happy. It doesn't matter if I'm with someone or not. That's just something you earn over time.
I know what its like to be "in love." but at the end we all get heartbroken and die alone. I thought I have found that person, but I was so wrong but he came to me and I will never forget those few weeks with him, now hes a complete asshole for all those things Ive done for him. Hes just my friend but is he really? hes starting to become an acquaintance. He doesn't give a fuck about his life and all Im trying to do is help him with it. No guy has ever done anything sweet for me or been there for me. All they do is hurt me and lie to me. I'm done with relationships, im done with friends, I'm done dealing with everyone. I hope to get this job. I really need it.
I wish I had a car so I can just drive around and go to Walmart just to look around. I really want to start making felt softies for some reason. lol. I feel like making things, i love sewing and stuff. so i don't know. its like the only good thing I'm good at.
well anyways,
I must go shower now, i feel like i need one, Laundry too.
Loves always,
Kamie
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